What is Suicidal Ideation?

Many young people will have suicidal thoughts at some point in their lives, but suicidal ideation can affect anyone. This does not necessarily mean that they are going to make an attempt at suicide, but it does mean that they require assistance and support. It is important that any thoughts of suicide be taken seriously, and as a parent, you have every right to be concerned and to take prompt action in response to this concern.

If you know or worry that your child is thinking about killing himself or herself, it can be very upsetting. It’s important to remember that your child will get through this and feel okay again, and that you are not alone. There are many organizations and support groups available to help families who are struggling with a child who is struggling with thoughts of suicide.

One of the misconceptions surrounding suicidal talk and actual suicide attempts in young people is that they are merely “a cry for help” or an effort to get attention. Kids who discuss suicide or write about it are frequently written off as dramatic or just “going through a phase.” But even from a young child who frequently cries “wolf,” a threat to commit suicide should never be taken lightly. It’s crucial to take threats and other cautionary signs seriously and thoughtfully. They don’t necessarily indicate that a young person will attempt to commit suicide. But it’s a risk you can’t afford to take.

Understanding the factors that either increase or decrease a young person’s tendency to think about or consider suicide helps. What do we know about teenagers who attempt suicide or actually commit suicide? Let’s examine both the risk factors—things that make it more likely that a kid will act suicidally—and the protective factors—things that lessen the risk.

Important factors that increase the likelihood of suicide include:

• A recent loss or significant death. The loss of a loved one, friend, or even a pet could fall into this category. It’s not just the loss of a parent’s job or the family home that can be devastating; so, too, can the loss of a parent’s love through separation or divorce or the end of a romantic relationship.
• A mental illness, typically one involving mood, such as depression, or stress and trauma, such as post-traumatic stress disorder known as PTSD.
• Having ADHD. Children and teens with ADHD are also at a higher risk of developing psychiatric disorders such as substance use disorders, depressive disorders, and antisocial behavior.
• Prior suicide attempts increase risk for another suicide attempt.
• Use of alcohol or other drugs, behavioral issues at school, and other potentially dangerous activities are all indicators of a problem with self-control and high-risk behavior.
• Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that does not support or accept it.
• A history of suicide in the family, as well as a history of domestic violence, child abuse or neglect.
• Loneliness. Without support from family and friends, a child can become so isolated that suicide seems like the only option.
• Bullying. Being a victim of bullying is a risk factor. There is some also evidence to suggest that children who bully others may also be more likely to engage in suicidal behavior.
• Access to deadly tools like drugs and firearms.
• There is a stigma attached to asking for help. We know that the more hopeless and helpless someone feels, the more likely they are to hurt themselves or take their own life. Adolescents who feel a lot of guilt or shame, or worthlessness are at a greater risk for suicide.
• Not having access to treatment or support. Lack of bilingual service providers, unreliable transportation, and the cost of services make it hard to get services that are very important.

There are also a number of things that can support your child and make it less likely that they will engage in suicidal behavior.

• Problem-solving skills. Children who can recognize a problem, identify solutions, and resolve conflicts amicably are less likely to experience violence.
• Strong connections. The stronger the connections children have with their families, friends, and community members, the less likely they are to harm themselves. This is due in part to the fact that they feel loved and supported, and in part to the fact that they have people to turn to when they are struggling and feeling particularly challenged.
• Access to highly lethal methods is restricted and out of reach.
• Cultural and religious beliefs that keep people from killing themselves and help them stay safe.
• Access to the right kind of medical support, such as psychotherapy, individual, group, or family therapy, or medication, if needed.
• Treatment for mental, physical, and substance use disorders that is effective. Good medical and mental health are keys to preventing suicide.
• Having a sense of hope, purpose, and self-worth. Talking openly about mental health and suicide can help people who are struggling find support.
• Creating an environment that is safe for everyone to talk about their feelings without judgment or criticism can also help encourage individuals to disclose their thoughts and seek help when they need it.

What should you do if your child meets the description of a young person at risk?

Changes in personality or behavior that are not obviously related to suicide are warning signs to keep an eye on. You should be concerned if your child appears sad, withdrawn, irritable, anxious, tired, or apathetic—things that used to be fun are no longer fun. Changes in sleep or eating habits can also be warning signs.

Another red flag is erratic or reckless behavior. It may be a sign that a teen is spiraling out of control if he begins to make really bad decisions or engage in behaviors that are harmful to himself or others, such as bullying or fighting.

You should always listen when your child talks about dying. “I want to die.” “All I want to do is go away.” “I should probably just jump off that building.” “I might as well kill myself.” “If I wasn’t around, you’d all be better off.” Even if you don’t think your child means what he or she says, it’s important to take this kind of talk seriously.

If you suspect that your child is having suicidal thoughts

It’s okay to ask if your child is having suicidal thoughts. Someone who is struggling with thoughts of suicide may never use the word “suicide” or “suicidal” to describe their feelings. If you feel like they may be suicidal, don’t be afraid to ask. Talking about it won’t lead them to act on their feelings.

Be patient with them. You can’t rush this process because change takes time. The greatest gift is to allow someone to experience their pain without trying to fix it, no matter how much you might want to.

Establish what it looks and feels like to feel safe. Create a safety plan. Help your child figure out what causes stress, anxiety, and depression and what helps. Anyone experiencing difficulty may benefit from creating a suicide safety plan. Before or during a crisis, it can be helpful to have a written list of ways to deal with the situation and people who can help. The plan should be clear, written in the child’s own words, and simple to follow.

Trust and support your child. Thoughts of or attempts at suicide are signs of how much pain your child is in. We may find it easier to ignore our child’s reality because the truth is too hard to handle. When your child tries to talk about their pain and you don’t take the time to listen or understand, the feelings don’t go away. Instead, they go inside and grow stronger.

Acknowledge their emotions with patience and understanding. Young people may not have the benefit of your years of experience, but validating their experiences as true to them, even if they aren’t true to you, is an important step to helping them feel heard and understood. It can be easy to listen to someone’s feelings but not hear what they’re saying. If your child is describing their feelings to you, don’t interrupt them. Instead, empathize with them. Make sure they know you’re listening and that you’re trying to understand.

What if your child won’t talk about how they are feeling?

Many children and teens find it difficult to open up and talk. As a parent, this can be incredibly challenging and scary. Even though you want to help your child, if he or she won’t talk, you might feel helpless and frustrated. It can also make you feel like you have to watch them at every moment.

Try to think of creative ways to start a conversation with your child if he or she is having trouble expressing themselves. They may feel more at ease if they write or text, or if they talk while walking or doing something else.

If your child doesn’t want to talk, you can’t force them to. If you are worried about their safety, you should seek professional help.



*If you are having thoughts of suicide, please call the crisis hotline 24/7 at 988. You can also text 988 or visit the Lifeline chat to chat with a caring counselor who can offer support. It’s free to call and always confidential.