Talking With Your Child About Mental Health

There is a lot of transition for both parents and teenagers during adolescence. These years are a time of tremendous growth and change, both physically and emotionally. The changes in hormones that happen during puberty and cause the physical changes that come with it also affect how a teen thinks and feels. The teenage brain also goes through big changes that affect reasoning, making decisions, and even feelings. Children often push boundaries and test limits during this time, which can be challenging for parents.

It’s important to remember that all of these changes are normal parts of development. However, it is also important to be able to recognize when and if your child is in emotional distress. During this time of change, teens are more likely to have depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems. To know if and when your child needs mental health help, you need to know the signs and symptoms of these disorders. To help your child through this time of change, you also need to have the skills to talk to them in a respectful and helpful way.

How to Discuss Signs and Symptoms with Your Child

If you’re worried about your child’s mental health and want to talk to them about things like anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts, it can be difficult. You may be at a loss for words or anxious about their reaction. Don’t worry. It is more important to take advantage of the opportunity to talk about emotions and offer a safe place to talk than to worry about saying the wrong thing.

If your child tells you they’re struggling, it’s important to make sure they feel seen and heard. If you’re worried about something that’s come up in conversation, be honest and clear about how you see things and how you want to support them.

Tips for discussing mental health with your child:

• Encourage open discussion. Make sure your child knows that you are willing to listen without judgment. Ask open-ended questions and let them do most of the talking.
• Talk on their level. Use language they understand and explain any complicated concepts in simple terms.
• Acknowledge their feelings. Let them know that their feelings are normal and valid, even if they seem overwhelming.
• Express your gratitude for them opening up to you and offer words of encouragement.
• Tell them you care about them, you’re always there for them, they can talk to you about anything, and if they need help, you’ll help them find it.
• Ask them what they need and how you can offer support.
• Spend time together discussing what is causing them to feel this way. It could be something at home or school, a friendship or family relationship, or something else.
• Make sure your child is aware of the available hotlines, text lines, and online chat services. They may find it hard to express themselves and may be afraid to upset or worry you, so it’s important to reassure them that it’s fine to talk to others.
• Remind your child that their pain is temporary. Assure them that things can improve and that, in time, they will feel better.
• It is critical to speak with your child when they are calm and not in the midst of an extremely stressful situation.
• Brainstorm solutions. Help your child come up with ways to cope with their difficult emotions, such as deep breathing or talking to a trusted friend.
• Seek professional help if needed.

Say things like:

• You can talk to me; I’m here for you.
• If you need to talk to someone else, that’s okay too.
• If you talk to me about what is worrying you, I can do my best to help.
• Even if I don’t understand, I want to.
• We’re going to get through this together.
• I understand that it’s so hard for you to get out of bed or go out and do something. If you’d like to try, I can help you. If it’s too hard right now, that’s okay.
• I don’t know why you are depressed, and I know that you don’t, either. I would like to help you get well, so let’s think about what might help.

Don’t say things like:

• Try to take your mind off it and do something else.
• Just think positive thoughts.
• Everyone has stress. You need to deal with it like everyone else.
• It’s not that bad.
• You are being so dramatic.
• Stop whining and complaining.
• You have nothing to be anxious or depressed about.

What to do if they don’t want to talk:

Many children find talking to their parents about mental health too difficult. Sometimes it can be helpful for children to talk to another trusted adult. You could also see whether other forms of communication, like writing a letter or texting, would make it easier for your child to let you know what’s going on.

Remember that you know your child. You can tell when it isn’t the right time or they aren’t in the mood to talk.



When to see a mental health professional:

Change is normal in the teenage years, but drastic or dramatic changes in your teen’s behavior or routine may be cause for concern.

Here are some warning signs to watch for:

• extreme weight gain or weight loss
• sleep problems
• significant irritability or ongoing problems with mood
• sudden change in friends or isolation
• trouble at school, either with learning or behavior
• trouble with the law
• overuse of electronic devices like cell phones or video games
• signs of drug or alcohol use

If your child is showing any of these signs, it may be time to contact a mental health professional for advice and support.